A Quick Trip and a Call

About 2 weeks ago we were looking at the calendar and decided to squeeze in one last trip before Evie starts her first day of kindergarten. I have been wanting to visit my Grandma Marilyn in Georgia but was a little hesitant about taking the kids on a 700-mile drive.  I'm glad we decided to go for it! The drive went fine, we are having a great time, and it's been good for me to take a break from the adoption paperwork, especially since there's not much more I can do at the moment.

We are half way through our stay here and have enjoyed spending time with Grandma, visiting the Georgia Aquarium, and eating at some fun restaurants!  

The Varsity diner- downtown Atlanta

Today I got a call from our Doctor that our medicals are signed and ready to be picked up!  YAY!  As soon as we get home we can deliver the packet to the agency and get our home study rolling!  Thank you, Lord!  I'm so excited to be able to take the next step on this journey!

This little girl was in front of us at the dolphin show and she was very interested in Evie. She made me dream about meeting my new daughter and bringing her home!  I had to sneak a pic!

Please pray for safe travels home and for our home study process to go smoothly! Thank you, friends and family, for your encouragement and support! 

Waiting and Wondering

I know that we have a long process ahead of us that includes a lot of waiting.  I know that everything will happen in God's time.  I know there will be days that are harder than others, but I didn't expect one to come so soon.

Our Dossier (the biggest bunch of paperwork for China) is already almost done, just waiting for our immigration form.  Our immigration form is ready to be sent in, but it is waiting on our home study.  Our home study is ready to happen, but it is waiting on our medical forms.  Our medical forms are sitting in an office waiting for a signature, and they have been for over a week now.  Because it's Friday, and because we will be on vacation next week, that medical form won't make it to our home study agency for almost 2 weeks.  I was REALLY hoping to deliver the medical forms today so the reviewing could happen next week, and have the home study process begin as soon as we get back.  I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up about the time frames for anything in this process; it would probably save me from a lot of disappointments.

Curt is much less emotional about the waiting, which is good for me.  He keeps reminding me to look at the bigger picture and not try to micro-manage every document of the "paper chase".  I know I'm a control freak and I don't like leaving the task sitting on someone else's desk, but I don't have a choice.  All I can do is pray for peace to reign in my heart, and that means letting go!

Another difficult part of the waiting is not knowing anything about our baby.  How old will she be?  What size shoes will she need?  What season will we be bringing her home to?  Will she need bottles, or sippy cups?  Wow.... am I in the nesting phase?!  I almost cried in the store today because I kept seeing things that my little China girl might need, or an outfit that would look really cute on her, but I can't buy much until I know more.  But, I do have hope in my heart because God has proven Himself to be faithful over and over, and I know that the answers WILL come, and I will have plenty of time to prepare for her arrival!

It helps to count my blessings, especially the two little ones that I am already able to know, and hold, and hug!  Corbin just came to my side and started singing that Barney song... "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great BIG HUG and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too!"  Yep, I love my kids!  All three of them!  Thanks for the hugs Corbin, I needed them.  :-)

The Six Steps: Phases of Adoption

There are a lot of steps involved when it comes to adoption, and even more with international adoption.  It was very overwhelming and confusing at first.  I didn't even understand the lingo enough to know what some of the forms were talking about!  But now that I've got a good grip and I've figured most of it out, I can split the process into a few different phases for you.  The further you get, the longer each step takes.  We estimate the total time to be 18-24 months.

1- Applications

This is obviously the initial phase.  Most agencies have a preliminary app of some sort, just to be sure you are eligible for a China adoption.  Then a formal application that is a few pages long.  We did this twice, once for our Adoption Agency (CCAI) and again for our Home Study Agency (FAC).  Many people can use the same agency for both, but CCAI is out of state so we had to use a local agency for the home study.  It's worth it though, because CCAI's fees are lower than others and we LOVE working with them.

2- Home Study

The Home Study agency gave us our first mountain of paperwork.  There were something like 40 different documents to read, complete, sign, and return.  These documents ranged from 1 page to simply sign, to writing 8 pages worth of answers to personal questions, to reading 122 pages of various articles on adoption.  This also included things like medical exams for the whole family, financial statements, employment verification letters, reference letters, etc.  We spent about 2 weeks working on it and now are just waiting for our medicals to be sent back.  (Making a Dr. appt a few weeks prior would have helped!  They couldn't see us for 4 weeks).  Once the agency gets ALL the documents in, they will schedule our home study and interviews.  Then, when that is done, we will be cleared to send the I-800A form to get approval for our adopted child's US citizenship.  No idea how long this phase will take... hopefully not more than a few weeks??!

3- The Dossier (a.k.a. "The Great Paper Chase")

This is the second mountain of paperwork.  The Dossier is a compilation of formal documents that must be notarized, then sent to Lansing for state certification, THEN sent to Chicago to be sealed by the Chinese Consulate, and FINALLY to be sent to China to be looked over and logged in with the CCCWA (China Center for Child Welfare and Adoption).  It consists of newly re-certified copies of our birth and marriage certificates, our homestudy and I-800A from the step above, a police background check, our "Letter of Intent" which tells about our family and how we will take care of our adopted child, photos of us and our family, and a few other documents.  This process can easily take a few months.  Thankfully I've already got most of the documents gathered and I'm just waiting for the forms from the home study before I start mailing the packet all over for the necessary stamps of approval!  I can't wait to take my own photo like this:

A completed dossier pic borrowed from another adoptive family's blog.

4- The Wait

The paper chase can be frustrating and feel like hard work, but I think this phase is where the hard part really begins!  I'd much rather be "doing" than "waiting".  Right now we are waiting for our Child Match.  This can happen anytime during or after steps 2 and 3.  We are estimating to be matched with a child around Christmas time, but only God knows when the time will come!  Then we wait for China to approve the Dossier, which logs us into their computer and gives us our Log-In-Date (or LID in adoption lingo).  Once we have our LID, AND are matched with a child, we wait for travel approval.  It sounds like that can take another 4-6 months or so, which means that our child will be growing older in the orphanage as we sit and wait to bring them home.  I can't imagine how difficult those months will be!  We will be able to send her a care package though, and many prayers.

5- Travel Time!

Once we receive our Letter of Approval from China we will be cleared to travel in a few week's time.  Curt & I will both fly to China and will spend about 14-16 days there.  The first day or two is spent in Beijing or Hong Kong, whichever we fly in to, while we adjust to the time change.  Then we will travel to the capital city of whatever province our child's orphanage is in.  Our child will be given to us a day or two later!  (I can't wait!!)  We spend the rest of the week getting her passport and paperwork done.  Then we go to Guangzhou to work with the US Consulate for her entry visa.  We will be traveling with a small group of people (maybe 6 other couples) who will be adopting at the same time.  Quite often these families form a special friendship and keep in touch as their children grow!

6- Post-Adoption

It's not quite "happily every after" yet!  China requires that SIX post-adoptive home studies are done, the first being at one month post-adoption and the last being five years post-adoption.  From what I understand they mostly just want pictures of the child and parents, and an update.  During the whole adoption process we have to complete 12 hours of Parent Training, and a majority of it is preparing us to deal with whatever emotional, physical, and psychological issues our adopted child may be dealing with.  It can be a little intimidating, but I am confident that God will give us everything we need to handle whatever comes our way.  It's also been interesting to read other blogs from parents who have adopted from China, to see what struggles they had as their child adjusted to life in a new home, and to hear about how they overcame the difficulties and bonded with their family.  It's so inspiring!  I can't wait for it to be our turn!

FAQ #3- Isn't Adoption Expensive??

Ummmm.....YES!  Unfortunately, finances are one of the biggest hindrances when it comes to international adoption.  But, we believe that this is God's plan for our family, so we are walking by faith and making it our top priority (and are happy to do so)!  We have been saving up and putting other plans/projects on the back-burner until this adoption is complete.  Thankfully, the money is not due all at one time; rather, it is due throughout different stages of the adoption process.

Here is a rough breakdown of our Adoption Costs:

• Homestudy Agency Fees = $4,000
• Adoption Agency Fees = $7,000
• U.S. Filing Fees = $1,600
• China Filing Fees = $2,600
• Orphanage Fee = $5,700
• Travel & Accommodations = $7,900
• Medical Expenses/deductible= $2,000
  
  
• TOTAL= approx $30,000

We have almost 50% of the finances saved up now (or already paid to the agencies), and have budgeted to save another 20% over the next 8 months or so.  We are also looking at applying for various Adoption Grants, and are hoping to be able to use our travel points to save on plane tickets.  Depending on how long the process takes, it'll be tight but we should be able to cash-flow the whole thing as we keep saving. 

Our kids seem to think we are "buying" a baby.  While that has some truth to it I suppose, it just doesn't sound right!  We have been trying to explain to them that the fees are for the people who have to file all the paperwork and translate it, and for the orphanage's expenses, etc.... and our baby won't come with a price tag on her!  She will be PRICELESS!

FAQ #1- Why Adopt & Why China?

This is kind of hard to answer because it's mostly a matter of heart, so maybe not everyone can understand our reasoning behind it.  We are just passionate about a China adoption and feel like it's something we are meant to do!  Yes, we are able to have children of our own and we adore the 2 we have.  But we also want to give another child, who wouldn't have the opportunity to know what a loving family feels like, a chance to grow up in a caring, nurturing environment.  We also see it as a beautiful opportunity to show a picture of the love God has for us, in how HE ADOPTED US into HIS family and offers us eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ!  

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" 

1 John 3:1 

(Also check out Romans 8:14-17) 

We would be open to adopting from any country, but here is a short list of reasons why we are choosing China:

• Nikki has always been in love with Asian kids.  Maybe God wired her that way for the purpose of a future adoption.  Or maybe it's because they are just so stinkin' cute!
• We enjoy cross-cultural experiences and are excited to bring that element into our home.  We have both traveled to nearly 40 countries around the world and we love learning and exploring new cultures.  We plan to make Chinese culture a part of our family and let our adopted child keep a part of their heritage.
• There are over 700,000 orphans in China.  Maybe it's partly because of China's one-child policy?  It doesn't seem fair that a child should be without a family simply because they are not the "one" that the parents hoped for, or because they are a second child and the parents cannot afford the fines to keep them.  (Of course there are many reasons that a child might be placed for adoption, but this is probably a big one.  And we are not experts on this policy or who it applies to.)
•  There is a large Chinese Christian Church nearby that could be a great support for our adopted daughter as they have a large youth group made primarily of English-speaking Chinese-American teens.  If she seems to have trouble relating to her peers, I'm sure this would be an encouragement for her to meet others that look like her and understand what it's like to grow up in America with a Chinese background.  (We actually visited this church when we moved back to Michigan about 6 years ago, and we loved it!)
• The school system that our kids will attend teaches Mandarin even during their elementary grades.  Bonus!  Although we may never be fluent, we would like our family to learn as much as we can. 

In short, the "reasons" for our China Adoption don't matter nearly as much as the "results" of our great desire to adopt from China!  We feel this is the path God is leading us on and so far everything we've done has been confirming that.

FAQ #2- How do your children feel about adopting?

Feel free to ask them, the answers can be quite humorous and you never know what they are going to come up with next!   Evie's first reaction to having a little sister was, "Ok, sure!  As long as she's not bossy!"  She seems a little nervous about sharing her toys, but she has to do that already with her brother so I'm sure she can adjust.

Corbin, age 2, was having a hard time comprehending the idea until we spent a week in Traverse City with all of our nieces and nephews.  There he got to play with the youngest in the family, Clementine, age 16 months.  At first they just stared at each other and sometimes ventured a poke, as if to see if the other small human was the real thing.  But soon enough they were tickling, giggling, and hugging.  When we got home we asked Corbin if he wanted a little sister, like Clementine.  He excitedly answered, "Yes, I want a Clementine!  You get me one?"

For the most part it's not much different from preparing them for another birth child: they are getting a new little sister, and she will become a part of the family just like the rest of us, and we will love her forever no matter what!  We have explained that there are babies all over the world that are orphans and do not have parents, and that we are going to bring one of them home to love them and take care of them and be in our family.  They seem to understand it in a very simple way, and seem happy to be a part of it.  (As long as she isn't too bossy).

The Point of No Return

The first month or two of this process we spent a lot of time in prayer while doing research and filling out preliminary applications.  We wanted to be sure it was God's direction for us before we made this leap of faith.  The adoption agency gave us a list of references and we talked to several families in Michigan who had adopted through CCAI, and the feedback we got was way beyond positive.  This agency is adored by their clients, and we have found them to be very friendly, personal, helpful, and quick to communicate.  So we continued working our way through the initial steps.  Our preliminary applications were approved and we began filling out formal apps.

Then we reached the point of no return- the first FEE was due.  Up until then it was easy to say, "Let's take the next step and see what happens, we don't have to commit yet."  But when the time comes to start writing checks, you have to decide if you're in or out!  Thankfully, we were both ALL IN!

The other BIG deal for me (Nikki) is the required medical exams and lab work.  If you know me, you know I have an insane phobia of needles.  It totally freaks me out and I get queasy just thinking about it.  I hate getting shots, and having blood drawn? ... forget about it.  When I was pregnant with both of our children I had blood drawn twice for each, and those were definitely in the "Top 10 Moments of My Life that I Would NEVER Want to Re-live"!  But, I told myself that I LOVED my babies (even though I hadn't met them yet) and it would be worth it!

I didn't realize that I would have to go through that again for adoption.  Seriously?!  But I told myself that I LOVE my baby (even though I haven't met her yet), and it will all be worth it!  We just got our blood work done, and it was horrible, but I survived. 

Now that we have forked over so much blood and money, there is NO TURNING BACK!  :-)  (sorry...that choice of words sounds a little gross.  LOL)

The Adoption Journey Begins

I can't put an exact date on the beginning of this Adoption Journey.  It started in my heart, some time during my teen years.  I was never one of those "baby loving" girls, who always cooed over someone's newborn or wanted to hold every baby that came near.  But when I saw Asian babies or little Chinese children playing, I would get that pang in my heart and say, "They are soooo cute!!  I wish I could bring them home with me!"  My family teased me about needing to marry an Asian guy, but of course my love was only for Curt.  :-)

Curt & I were content to wait a few years after marriage, then the "baby fever" hit, and 9 months later Evangeline Maris, or "Evie" as she is known, came along.  What a joy to become parents!  A couple of years later the desire came for another baby, and this time we were blessed with a boy!  Corbin Jeremiah is such a happy, joyful little guy!  Our life felt full, and often chaotic.  When the grandparents would joke about having another, our comment was always, "Our next baby is coming from China!"  (We weren't sure if they took us seriously, but they do now!)

After settling into our new town and "new" house (an old Victorian farm house built in the 1890's) with our kids now 2 and 5 years old, I, Nikki celebrated my 30th birthday.  This is a BIG milestone, and one that most women probably aren't too excited about.  But I was thrilled!  I had been waiting for this moment!  You see, one of China's requirements for international adoption is that both parents are between the ages of 30-55.  So when that 30th birthday came along the wheels started turning.

I requested information from several agencies, and in May we attended an International Adoption Orientation.  This was just an informal meeting to learn about the process and gather information from various countries.  Although we were open to adopting from any part of the world, my heart was still for China's orphans.  It was quite discouraging when we heard that the wait time to adopt a "healthy infant girl" from China is over 6 years now.  That is a LONG wait.  Then we learned some interesting facts.  1) Over 85% of the orphans in China are considered "special needs" and  2) A child can be labeled "special needs" for any number of reasons, big or small.  Many of these can be corrected by surgery.  Some of them correct themselves, even before the child's next checkup.  Often these kids can lead healthy, normal, active lives- they simply need a family to love and care for them!

 

This broke my heart, to think of all these children who had been abandoned and labeled "Special Needs" for sometimes the smallest thing.  It had never crossed my mind to pursue this area of adoption, but as I researched and prayed about it, God opened my heart and showed me how much He loves these children

So, we are now on a list to adopt a "Waiting Child" or a "Special Focus" child from China.  We have filled out a Medical Checklist that tells the agency which conditions we are willing to consider, for example: cleft lip/palate or limb differences.  We are requesting a girl, under the age of 2 years old (most are between 12-24 months).  I would also be open to a boy, but I told Curt that if we get a boy this time I would probably want to adopt again in a few years for a girl!  He's not quite ready to commit to that, so we will probably bring home a daughter and see if a Chinese son is a possibility in the future.  :-)

Time Frame:

Based on the stats and averages, we should be "Matched" with a child within 6-12 months.  It can be as little as 3 months, or as long as 24 months, depending on what medical conditions you are open to.  They will send us a file on the child, with a photo and medical report.  We can't wait for this moment- to see her face!  Once we are "Matched" we have to finish the paperwork and wait for China to finalize the approval, which can take 3-4 months or so.  The numbers vary GREATLY, but overall we estimate this entire process to take close to 18-24 months.  We will spend 2 weeks in China to finalize the adoption and finally bring our baby home!  Until then, we have MOUNTAINS of paperwork to do!  Prayers would be greatly appreciated!

If you have any questions or comments, let us know!  We will keep you updated, and hope to share about various parts of the process as we go!