Smiling Violet

For the third time in my life, I am in love with someone I've never met.  The first two times were with my children who were growing in my belly, this time it's with my child who is growing in my heart.  I feel like I've known her forever, and I can't wait to bring her home! 


SHE IS STUNNING!  I ADORE HER!!  I can't wait to smother my girl with hugs and kisses!!  

Here is my FAVORITE paragraph from her orphanage report
(Keep in mind, this was a year ago at 11 months of age):

"She can sit in a walker on her own and will be very happy when she plays with the toys on top of it. She will often move back and forth while using her hands to support herself on a banister. When the nannies hold one of her hands, she can walk. When she’s in the activity room and she sees a toy that she likes, she will crawl like a caterpillar over to grab the toy. She can smack toys together, change a toy from one hand to the other and she can turn toys over with both of her hands while she has a happy smile on her face. When you call her name, she knows to turn her head for the origin of the sound and she can call out, “ma ma” as well as, “a yi (nanny).” When the nannies are communicating with her, she can baby talk with them and make, “ah ah” sounds like she is expressing her thoughts. Her personality is extroverted, lively and active. She loves to listen to music, play with toys and she likes to interact with other little children. She will continuously smile while playing with other little children and she is very lively and energetic. She is an extremely joyful, clever and smart little girl that loves to smile."

This is wonderful in so many ways!  It sounds like she is in a place with nannies who care about her and spend time with her!  AND she SMILES!  A LOT!  My heart is overjoyed! 

 

Another exciting thing... we got our LOA!!  The "Letter of Acceptance" from China, in reply to our "Letter of Intent".  It only took 2 DAYS!  We have a few more big steps of paperwork, and more waiting, but it looks like we are still on track to bring her home in November!!  Our agency gives a generic estimate of traveling 10-14 weeks from now,
but someone who recently went through this process told me it only took them 8 weeks!  It can vary.  But, THAT would get her home by her birthday! :-)
 

Subconcious Assumptions

I don't typically try to write deep, philosophical, or overly-emotional posts for this blog.  I'm more into the facts, and keeping things simple.  :-)  But something has been on my mind for several weeks...even months... during this adoption process, and I have been trying to figure out how to put it into words so I can share it with you.  This is for all the ladies out there.

I noticed "it" when we began our adoption process over a year ago and I started coming across blogs of other adoptive families.  I would see professional-looking photographs of them with their beautiful kids, all dressed in matching outfits and smiling, and think to myself, "Wow, what a perfect family!"  Without realizing it, I was placing these families on a pedestal and admiring things about them that I had pretty much just ASSUMED based on their lovely photos.

For example (and this is embarrassing for me to admit) I would subconsciously assume one or more of the following:

1- They must be rich.  They can afford to adopt, even multiple times.  They can afford to buy trendy matching boutique outfits.  They can afford a real photographer.  Wow.

2- They must be so happy all the time!  Look at them- all smiling!  The kids probably get along SO well, and show nothing but love for each other!

3- They must be really good people.  After all, they've adopted a poor helpless orphan.

Funnily enough, I started to get to know some of these adoptive families through Facebook, and soon realized that they are pretty normal...just like me.  Some of them have blogged about how difficult the transition has been for the adoptive child, and how it's not all "sunshine & rainbows" when you meet them and bring them home.  It can be the opposite, and quite exhausting!

As these realities came to light, I was able to dig through my subconscious assumptions and unravel the falsehoods.  

This is probably closer to the TRUTH:

1- We are all rich, in our first-world countries.  Let's put wealth into perspective... sure, some people have higher-paying jobs than others.  Some may have more debt.  BUT if we have a roof over our heads, a vehicle, more than one pair of shoes, food to eat daily, and let's face it, closets and cupboards full of STUFF, we are "rich" compared to most of the world.  Adoption is expensive, but it's not impossible.  When a family is called to adopt, they make it their priority.  They may have to sacrifice other things, or do fundraisers to help with fees and plane tickets, but if you really want to make it happen you will do whatever it takes.  The Lord will provide the means if this is something He has placed on your heart!

2- No family is happy all the time!!  Yes, I am definitely planning to do matching-outfits (from Goodwill) in a photo shoot (with the tripod)!  And I do prefer to post the happy pictures, not because I'm trying to put on a fake front, but because I like to keep things positive.  I like to spread joy, and smiles do that better than frowns.  Everyone's kids fight, probably daily.  (Mine drive me nuts sometimes!!) Parents loose their patience, probably daily.  (yeppp. guilty.)  We say things we regret when we speak out in anger at each other, but at the end of the day we can reconcile with forgiveness and hugs.  If your family IS happy all the time, you are NOT normal!

3- No one is good except God.  (John 18:19, Romans 3:10...) Our hearts are inherently sinful, and it is only by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, taking the penalty for our sins upon Himself, that we can be forgiven and made righteous.  I do not feel like I am "doing a good deed" by adopting.  I am simply responding to the compassion and desire that God has placed in my heart to adopt from China.  I am so humbled and grateful that God is allowing me to bring her into our home!  Sometimes I'm amazed that he trusts us with another child!  On a side note, I realize that not all adoptive families are Christians, and they also feel compelled by compassion and love for these kids, but neither are they "good" or pure of heart.  (But let's avoid a religious debate here...)

Maybe YOU also have a habit of making assumptions about people (good or bad) based only on appearances or first impressions.  It's NOT a good idea.  Until you get to know them and hear their stories, you have no idea what their past holds or what struggles they are facing.  So let's learn from my mistake!  :-)

We praise God for using the imperfect, so HE, in HIS PERFECTION, can be glorified!

Friends, if any of you are feeling an emptiness and wishing you could understand more about God's love and forgiveness, please do contact me.  I care about you and would love to tell you more!

Introducing...Our Daughter!!

It is with great JOY and EXCITEMENT 

that we present to you... OUR DAUGHTER!

 

Isn't she the most darling little girl?!!  I bet you can't take your eyes off that sweet little face!  I have her picture with me everywhere I go... on my phone's background, framed in the living room, on the kitchen table, on my bedside table, in my purse... I can't get enough of her!  I do have a couple more photos of her, but I will save them for my next post so we can spread the cuteness out.  Otherwise your heart might melt right into your shoes like mine did.   :-)

Now allow me to put a name to that adorable face!  Her Chinese name (first and middle) is "Yan Tao".  It sounds like "Yen" and if you want to try using the correct tones you would make it fall then rise: Yàn Táo sort of like saying, "Yen! Tao?".  This name was given to her by a nurse or nanny, and it means "Gorgeous Peach."  It makes me smile.  It suits her.  We are keeping it as her middle name, and giving her a new first name.  We will be calling her... VIOLET!  I have loved that name for a long time, and it's one that Curt likes as well (not easy to find one like that!)  Also, her Chinese name "Yan" means "gorgeous", but it also means "colorful", and that is kind of a cool coincidence.  :-)  So she shall be called "Violet Yan Tao" and we couldn't be happier to add her to our family!

Violet is 21 months old right now.  She will be turning two in November and we are hoping and praying that we can celebrate that day with her in person!  So far, according to the timelines of some adoptive friends who are just a few steps ahead of us in the process, it looks like that just might be a possibility!  So pray with us!

As you know, Violet was part of the "Special Needs" program due to a medical condition.  We are perfectly comfortable talking about this, but we will also be sensitive to what we publish online.  But we can tell you that she simply has a skin condition.  It is genetic, and there is no cure.  Basically, her back and torso have dry, flaky, somewhat scaly skin.  (I know, no big deal, right?!)  It is not contagious, and likely will not even spread further on her own body.  We have spoken to a team of Pediatric Dermatologists in the area and they have reviewed her medical file and photos.  We are certain that we will be able to keep this condition manageable through exfoliating baths and special moisturizers.  After learning so much about her condition, I am all the more eager to bring her home and start taking care of her!

I could go on forever... but I will leave you with this parting picture and save the rest for another post.

So proud of their new sister Violet!

We got THE CALL!

I have been waiting for "the call" for months.  The moment when my phone rings and my agency says they have a child's file for us.  I thought it might come shortly after our LID, considering that there would be twice as many children available to us once we had our files logged in with China.  Then I started hearing of people waiting for a little girl, even with minor special needs just like ours, and they were waiting 18 months for their "call".... and I was discouraged because we were only 13 months along, but I settled into another patient waiting period.

Then China made this big announcement about having older children available, and like I mentioned in our last post, our family got very excited about the idea of having a 6-yr old girl who would be the same age as our daughter.  They advertised an "immediate match" and we eagerly signed up, waiting in both lines, and praying God would send us the right child from either program.  :-)  I was constantly making sure my phone was with me and the ringer was turned all the way up, and every time it rang I would hope the screen said "CCAI" for our adoption agency's office.  But it didn't happen...for 6 weeks.

Then, on an evening while I was out and my phone was silenced in my purse, I missed a call.  I didn't know it until 2 hours later, and the missed call was from CCAI.  The voicemail was vague, but I listened to it about 50 times and played it another 5 times for Curt.  It said something like, "Call us back at your earliest convenience."  But the offices had just closed so I had to wait until morning.  THAT WAS TORTURE!

That night I was so antsy I knew I'd have to take a sleep aid (for the 3rd time in my life... and each during this adoption) and it knocked me out for a whole 2 hours.  I spent the rest of the night and morning waiting for 10 am to roll around.  I reached out to my family & friends on Facebook, as well as my new friends in my Facebook adoption groups who are in this same journey with me or have already been through it.  I think I caused quite a stir and had many people waiting in suspense with me.  (THANK YOU, by the way, because by the grace of God and your support I survived the night!)

Pretty much all of my adoptive friends said that when THEY missed a call from CCAI it ended up being "the call" because there aren't many other reasons for them to call you unless there is big news!

So I fully expected to find out we had been matched with a 6 year old girl, because the estimated wait for our Special Needs line was still about 5 more months.

Imagine my surprise when 10 am FINALLY came around and I was  able to return "the call", and she said they had a little girl's file for me to review, and she was under 2 years old!  She told me about her medical need then asked if I was still interested.  YES!YES!YES!  So she e-mailed me the little girl's file.

When I saw her sweet face, my eyes welled up with joy.  What a darling!!  The pale, round face.  The dark hair and eyes.  The slight smile of amusement.  She was beautiful and my heart melted.

BUT, I knew that meeting this girl's medical needs were very important for her future and well-being, and I knew that Curt & I needed to do some research before we committed.  For her sake even more than ours.  We spent pretty much the entire day examining her photos and medical file, and reading up about her condition online.  We learned a lot, and both of us felt very comfortable about providing the care she would need.  (I can share more about this when everything is official).

I had been praying throughout the day... and another 2 hour night... that God would make it very clear to Curt & I whether OUR family was in His plan for this little girl.  I am not claiming I heard an audible voice, but I felt God speak to my heart and say, "Do you CHOOSE to love this girl?" and I immediately knew that YES, I did love her and was choosing to love her unconditionally.  And I felt His response in my heart... "Then she is yours."  (Then I cried.  While I was doing dishes.)

Nevertheless, our agency highly encourages everyone to have the child's file reviewed by a medical professional, so the next day we made some calls and sent some e-mails and (miraculously!) got a reply later the same day!  We got a very helpful response from a Pediatric Dermatologist in our area.  We had already discussed it enough to know that we were both fully onboard to move ahead with her adoption, but felt even more at ease after hearing that the doctor agreed with the diagnosis from China and mentioned the same type of care that we had been reading about and felt comfortable with.

So at dinner time tonight, when I received the doctor's e-mail, I gleefully ran to my phone to tell CCAI that we were ready to move forward with our adoption!  Then I got the voice-system, reminding me that they close 30 min early on Friday... and now I have to wait the entire weekend.  Are you KIDDING me?!  LOL  So I e-mailed them, and get to spend the weekend awaiting my instructions for the next round of paperwork.  :-)

I am not permitted to post many details or photos online yet, but I'm sure I will have lots to share over the next few days & weeks, so stay tuned! 

Thank you A MILLION TIMES for all of your prayers, support, and encouragement!!!  We are thrilled to be able to share this news with you!!